I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
