Porn is love you can see.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
