sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
