There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
