Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
