He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
