Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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