i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
