Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
