I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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