sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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