I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
