we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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