I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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