I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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