i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
