This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
