Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
