i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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