my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
