I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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