it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
