I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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