On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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