PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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