so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
