gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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