I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
