Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
