oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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