He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
