you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
