sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
