Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
