I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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