Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
