I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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