Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
