I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
