Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
