well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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