Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
