today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
