we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
