bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
