So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
