he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
