What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
