Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
