I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
