hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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