Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
