Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
