he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
