There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
