He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
