playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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