His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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