I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
