Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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