Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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