I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
