Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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