This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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