How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
