I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
