Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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