Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
