you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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