he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
