He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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