Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
