apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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