Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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