Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
