How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
