You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
