I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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