I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
