Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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