i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
