i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
