No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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